Pure darkness surrounded me.
My eyes were constantly scanning my surroundings, catious of whatever monstrosity lurks waiting for me. Dark figures crept all around me, and shadows loomed over me. I was dripping wet and the chilly temperatures of the deep ocean did not help one bit.
My flashlight only illuminated an area equal to a few feet in front of me. The entire ground area seemed bottomless and my view was obstructed by large creatures hovering around me.
The corals nearby seem to be swaying merrily, mocking me for my stupidity. Large, bright eyes were staring at me from all directions.
I regretted my decision to go diving at night.
Hi Shawn. I really liked the paragraph that you have written on your blog. I feel that you should get an A for this. Firstly, your first two paragraphs help to build your mood and atmosphere up. They provide a sense of creepiness and darkness. The cold temperatures of the ocean further add to the feeling of being alone. Secondly, the description of the bottomless allows me to feel like I am in the middle of nowhere. This further adds to the feeling of being helpless and isolated. Finally, I like the way you personify the corals and make them seem like they were mocking you. This makes it seem like your character is in a really bad predicament. Your final statement ends off your paragraph beautifully as well. I like your writing style so keep it up! (:
ReplyDelete